she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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