boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
