Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
