An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
