Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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