he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
