Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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