I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
