I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
People in love make me want to vomit
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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