i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So much Jack, so little girl.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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