I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
