K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
