i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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