just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
