Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
