I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
