shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
