i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
