so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
