I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
