where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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