I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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