is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
