i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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