I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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