Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
