I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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