That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
