I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
