Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
