I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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