even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
