He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
