i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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