Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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