I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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