I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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