I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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