someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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