I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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