i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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