We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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