woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just gift wrapped bread.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
