The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
