why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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