Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
