I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
