I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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