need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
