he shaved USA in his pubs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
