its not stalking. its research.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
