dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
