we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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