I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
