I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
