The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
