I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
