Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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