You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
