The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
